TRUST – have faith in myself, my journey, my gifts and my purpose. The Universe always has your back and a taxi will always show up when you need it! Just get in, and go for the ride. Surrender! I am what I believe. Just have the faith of a mustard seed, and you will climb mountains and do what seems to be the impossible!
The origin of the word TRUST: (Etymonline)
“Trust” is from c. 1200, “reliance on the veracity, integrity, or other virtues of someone or something; religious faith,” from Old Norse traust “help, confidence, protection, support,” from Proto-Germanic abstract noun *traustam (source also of Old Frisian trast, Dutch troost “comfort, consolation,” Old High German trost “trust, fidelity,” German Trost “comfort, consolation,” Gothic trausti “agreement, alliance”), from Proto-Germanic *treuwaz, source of Old English treowian “to believe, trust,” and treowe “faithful, trusty,” from PIE root *deru- “be firm, solid, steadfast.”
As I mentioned earlier, there is a lot of fear in the classroom which has been generated by feelings of rejection, betrayal and abandonment. Test scores, teacher evaluations, data and numbers have become the main measure of worth. Not meeting goals, not being enough, setting unrealistic expectations and setting teachers and students up for failure is creating unhealthy competition and profound shame if we don’t measure up to a standard. Confidence has been lost. So many are not feeling safe, supported or protected. Anxiety is high. Teachers are leaving the profession in record numbers. There is a record number of teen suicide. Movies are being released about evil forces that come and cause people to run away, harm themselves or even commit suicide. The evil force is fear, and we are propagating it and teaching it in schools. Again, THIS.MUST.STOP! As a result, there is no trust or faith; no steadfast, grounding force that is protecting and supporting us and into which we can place our faith and trust. Brené Brown tells a story about her daughter and the marble jar in school. Her daughter’s teacher was using a marble jar to motivate desired behavior and good choices. Her daughter, who was in third grade, had shared a personal story with some friends on the playground. Those friends betrayed her trust and told the story to others so that when they returned from recess, all the children in the class knew and were laughing and making fun of Brené’s daughter. Brené goes on to say that she told her daughter that trust was like that marble jar. It only gets filled by deeds and words that are kind and loving from others, just like the teacher putting marbles into the jar when the class was doing kind things and supporting each other. That day, the teacher took marbles out because the class had been unkind and made a choice that betrayed and hurt one of its members.
There is much controversy about the use of token economies or extrinsic reward systems like stickers/stars or behavior charts with clips that move up and down depending on the child’s behavior. The key is “behavior” and what choice the child made to put into action. It is not a label to validate or invalidate the child’s worth or being. I suppose some might apply the same argument to grades? Daniel Pink, in his book Drive, “argues that human motivation is largely intrinsic, and that the aspects of this motivation can be divided into autonomy, mastery and purpose”. Many teachers took this to mean that using extrinsic means of motivation like stickers, stars, etc. were “bad”.
I used a pesos system to give feedback to children. I didn’t use it to send a message that money was the ultimate reward for everything. I used it as a token of validation. I gave students pesos for “wrong” answers or rather answers that were not what I might have been looking for “through my lenses”. I loved every answer they took the risk to share because it gave me an opportunity to learn and gain a new perspective from them. This was formative assessment at its best! Explore, learn and grow together. It sent the message that they were still okay and loved, just try again…not yet. It was a positive system of recognizing and validating every child so that students would not feel vulnerable and would take risks…would take that next step on the path of their learning journey to grow. It created an atmosphere of help, support, trust, confidence and faith that they mattered and that what they did mattered. The same can be done with loving kindness…kind words, empathy and graceful generosity of Spirit. We can fill that jar, one marble at a time, one choice at a time. The question will be…where is that marble coming from?…from a place of love or a place of fear, hate, anger, resentment, etc.
We teach children about trust with our choices, our words and with our actions. We need to be more mindful of the marble jar and the marbles we are using. It can be hard and sometimes seem impossible, but we always have a choice. My hope is that the greatest lesson that will be taught every single day in the classroom will forever be: I choose love. I pass on love. I am love. The world is love. No matter what because that is all that matters. We must create a safe world for our children in body, mind and spirit. That is the one true path for all of us. No matter what life has done “to” us or “for” us, as adults, we always have the power within to change the life of a child, for better or for worse through our conscious choices. We always have a choice as to what kind of role model we will be for children. They are always looking, listening, sensing and feeling their way in the world, and we have a choice what input they will receive from us. Will it be loving and kind and nurturing and light the way for them to grow into wholeness OR will it be shaming, unkind and suppressing and darken their spirit so that they feel lost, afraid and don’t trust anyone, even themselves? Will we bring grace into the world and create whole children or will we break them down into pieces or reduce them to a score or data in a spreadsheet so that they spend their entire lives trying to put themselves back together and be whole again? That is the greatest purpose we all have as human beings and should be our greatest passion… I pass on love…especially to children!
Essential questions for TRUST:
(applicable to self, students, parents, colleagues and all humans on journey of lifelong learning)
Do I feel worthy in this situation and with this person? Why?
Do I feel like I am enough in this situation and with this person? Why?
Do I feel safe with this person and/or this situation? Why?
Do I feel loving and lovable in this situation and with this person? Why?
Where in my body am I feeling discomfort?
When do I feel comfortable in a relationship?
What makes me feel uncomfortable?
When I feel comfortable, where do I feel that in my body?
When I feel uncomfortable, where do I feel that in my body?
Is this person adding marbles to my jar or taking them away or breaking my jar?
If I am feeling uncomfortable, what is my reaction?
If I am comfortable, what is my reaction?
Am I armoring up, running away or lashing out with this person or in this situation?
Do I feel empowered in this situation and with this person? Why?
Do I have faith in a power greater than myself? Why?
Do I have trouble making decisions? Why?
What am I most afraid of, and how does that manifest in my life?
Who are the adults in my life that I feel I can trust? Why?
Who are the adults in my life that I feel I can’t trust? Why?
What rings true in my heart of hearts?
What story does the inner child in me tell over and over again?
Which parts of the story are real and true, and which are not?
How can I change the story to have a “happy ending”?
How do I show up in the world, and how would I change that? Why?
How will a child receive and be affected by my choices and actions?
How do I see myself in children? In other adults?
What can I do, here and now, in this present moment, to make a positive difference in the life of a child?
Do my actions and words have a positive or a negative impact on a child?
What are my childhood wounds that show up in my adult life?
What are the magic memories from my childhood that make me feel safe and warm?
Affirmations, cheers, “Can Do” Statements
for the “Common Core” Belief of TRUST:
I am whole.
I am a part of a bigger whole that supports and nurtures me.
I am safe.
It is safe to be me and allow the light of my True Self to shine.
I surrender to the present moment and what is.
I listen to the whispers of my heart.
I live in grace.
I am worthy of kindness and love.
I am not a victim.
I have everything I need inside of me.
I have faith in a power greater than myself to guide and protect me.
I am confident and deliberate in my choices.
I strive to become more aware and make conscious choices that are healthy for me.
I check in with my gut and set boundaries that align with my greatest intentions.
Every choice I make is a step on my learning journey to a greater version of myself.
I trust the path I am on and the lessons that I am learning along the way.
I believe in love and hope.
I am not my past nor the projections of my future.
I am the pure innocence of a child.
My core beliefs guide me in every decision.
I set my intentions from my core beliefs.
I go within and find the awareness needed to guide me.
I believe in the hope of all possibilities.
I believe in the potential of every child.
I look for the light in every child and open a window to let their light shine through.
I have faith in the goodness of every child.
Every child is worthy of loving kindness.
Every choice I make makes a difference in the life of a child.
I believe in ubuntu and manifest it every day in my life, especially at school.
Trust is the key that unlocks transformation. If we don’t trust ourselves, others or life, we will not move forward nor transform – change form, transcend form or cross over and step into the light of our greatest potential. We will stay stuck in self-pity, self-loathing and self-limiting beliefs of not enough. We will also stay stuck in unhappiness and not grow or evolve to become the highest version of our best self to gift to the world and make a difference!
Transformation and evolution are the natural progression of humans and all living things. There are many rituals across many cultures that symbolize this process. I used to teach an entire unit on what Shakespeare called the “Seven Stages of Life”. The students absolutely loved this unit as they found it very relatable and real world applicable. Like the universal lessons that Joseph Campbell imparted about the hero’s journey through his cross cultural studies of myths and legends around the world, the rituals and passages of the stages of life are universal and shared across peoples and cultures around the world. We celebrate birth, coming of age, choosing a religious faith, marriage, having children, old age and death in different ways, but we share these same stages of life as humans. We are celebrating life and our existence as human beings on this earth. We are celebrating the meaning, purpose and path that we all share as human beings. They are completely heart-driven and touch our souls. Jacques refers to the seven stages in Shakespeare’s As You Like It: “All the world’s a stage; and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages.” It highlights our connectedness and our commonalities and creates a reason to celebrate our common “ages”.
Let me give an example. In Spanish three, the students had to choose a stage of life to “celebrate”, such as marriage. They created a scrapbook of pictures with descriptions and memories of how a wedding was celebrated in a Spanish-speaking country as opposed to a wedding they had attended or to a dream wedding they had planned. They had to create an invitation in Spanish, a list of invitees, a list of food, a schedule of events before, during and after the ceremony, a list of gifts and any other traditions that were customary. In other words, the products, practices and perspectives of the two cultures. They discovered there was some overlap, but that there were also some differences. It opened their minds and hearts to understanding, which then leads to acceptance and tolerance. The same can be done with any subject matter. Math lessons can imitate real world situations in which algebra or geometry is used and applied. The student then understands the context, meaning and purpose of the learning. History is not a bunch of names and dates to be memorized, but rather a series of human interactions to explore and discover the similarities, differences and real world, personal application to one’s current life. Here is an appropriate time and place where we can use virtual reality and technology to engage and enhance learning. Teachers are so trained to teach from a book and do one activity, then the next, then the next, give homework and test, test, test, that the student doesn’t have a chance to enjoy and experience real learning. The teacher is not given the opportunity, permission, training, time or space to create lessons that students can experience personally or in a meaningful context. It is one-size-fits-all, and if you don’t wear the prescribed size, you are left out, naked and cold to learning.
Let me give you another example. I recently went on a cruise around South America. Every sea day, they had Spanish lessons. The teacher had slides of vocabulary words that she would say, and then, ask the participants to repeat. The first day, the room was filled with probably 100+ people, eager and motivated to learn because they were going to experience the language and culture, and they wanted to do it in a meaningful, personal and successful way. The first lesson was greetings and asking/telling names. Very logical and applicable for everyone. However, as the repeating continued like Mina birds, more and more people were turned off and left or they fell asleep or they complained and made jokes. The second class was about telling people how you feel (about 25 different expressions). The teacher also started getting into verb conjugations. By the third class, there were about ten people faithfully taking notes and repeating. The “good” students hung in there because they maybe felt they were doing “all the right things” the teacher was asking and meeting all the requirements in order to learn. I asked a couple of them afterward if they thought they could carry on a conversation with a native speaker, to which they quickly replied “oh, no!” I also heard three native speakers talking about the lesson, and they were making fun of it saying that no one would ever just come up and ask “why?” ( something the teacher had said was the most important question word to know in Spanish to get a real conversation going). Why is the highest level of understanding, however, we need to scaffold and create steps that will safely take us step-by-step to that level of understanding and empowered learning.
On the same cruise, there was a guest lecturer who was a college professor. She had PowerPoint, slides and very general information about South America that anyone could have googled. As adults, many appreciated the time and opportunity to learn as they were curious about the topic. As well, many were interested because it was personally relevant to what they were going to see and do at the next port-of-call. However, for young people, this style of delivery and reception of information is boring and not motivating because they do not have a meaningful or personal connection to the information.
So, teaching and the educational system needs to transform in order for learning to transform. We need to cross over from lectures, PowerPoint presentations, Q&A textbook activities, memorization and regurgitation of meaningless and impersonalized information that end in summative assessments that are primarily multiple choice, discreet item, lower level Bloom’s. We need to lead children on an inward path of curiosity, exploration and discovery in order for them to cross over into a deeper realm of endless potential and possibilities.